i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
