One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
