Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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