his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
