either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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