just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
