the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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