Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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