forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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