walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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