the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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