thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
