i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
