i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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