i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
