She even gives head with a lisp.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
