i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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