god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
