dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
