stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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