Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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