the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
