Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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