We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
