he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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