just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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