You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
