I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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