you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
