I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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