I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
