I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cockslap morals
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
