My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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