Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
