You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
