She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
