He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you would pick up someone in the library
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
