Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
