take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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