i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
