I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
