Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
