Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
