We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
