I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
