brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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