So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
