so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
