My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I just put wine in my tea
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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