I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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