I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
