you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
