What a fucking waste of an outfit
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
