i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I wish I could teleport
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
