Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
