I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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