...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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