I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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