that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
