...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
