Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
