So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
