i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
