WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
