I will die if light touches me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
