omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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