my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
