it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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