You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
