ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
