just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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