dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
