i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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